So this happened during laundry time… Let the games begin!
[Flash 10 is required to watch video]
Posted 2 months ago
13 notes
[Flash 10 is required to watch video]
Posted 3 months ago
10 notes
The great Ferris Bueller once said, “life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” So where have I been? Obsessing over parenthood, in hopes I don’t miss a thing.
In the early beginnings of parenthood, your days bleed into nights so easily, that a month will pass you by in what feels like mere hours. As your child grows, life morphs into a routine that defines your days so perfectly, that instead of time slowing, it speeds it up. Morning coffee, a nap, an errand, a play date, lunch, nap, shower, reading, dinner, bed. The outline of your day can become to precise, that before you know it, it’s time to start your day all over again. It’s a beautiful, exhausting whirlwind of a life.
I no longer fight sleep so that I can find another moment to myself. I am learning that moments with my son that are spent more alert and engaged, are ten times more appealing that slow blinking through another day. Maybe that’s been another reason why I quit blogging, but it’s been much more rewarding for me- mentally and physically. But why I am here, then? Because there will always be the part of me that needs to write my heart out. Spill everything that is building up within. Sometimes I feel it’s the quickest way to truth- my keyboard, my quiet, my time.
The other truth is, I kind of gave up on blogging. I’ve written my heart out for four years and counting, and it wasn’t until I started thinking about taking writing up seriously, that I began to feel burdened. It’s the reason why I never took up art in college as my mother had suggested- because once I start feeling like it’s a must, it loses it’s appeal and stops being fun. This is simply, and will remain, my place to pour. It will be the virtual baby book/ diary of motherhood that I need it to be. So that is the end of that chapter.
Today is special. Today I watched my son walk for the first time. Before you get too excited, I mean I watched him walk with the aid of a walker. A tiny, adorable wooden toy that has the ability to support walking with out potentially causing injury. Last week I watched him stand alone for the first time, which was amazing in itself, and even though he’s been turning everything into a walker, something about today took my breath away. It might have been the fact that this toy was made for the job. That it had wheels which moved faster than an old box being pushed along the floor. Watching his feet move in front of the other, the smile on his face, the sound of all of it. It was magical.
The moments that feel like that, so magical, aren’t every single moment of my day, which is what makes them so wondeful. There are still days where I don’t feel like I did the best I could do as a parent. A failure, if I am feeling especially dramatic. Too much TV, not enough stimulation, not enough activity, too much activity, the lack of a bath, etc. There are moments where I just feel so tired. I’m still learning that it’s okay to feel exhausted; it’s what you do in those down moments that define you as a bad/good/great parent. I’ve learned that being a stay at home parent is more than what I ever thought it was. Demanding isn’t even the right word. I look back at days where all I had to do was roll out of bed, maybe pick up after myself, and have a single goal of looking appropriate, yet feeling so overwhelmed by the demands of regular life. Having laundry wait on you isn’t nearly as serious as having a human child stare at you in a way that is asking “what’s next?,” and I miss it at times. I miss the freedom of actually needing an alarm clock. The feeling of having a weekend. Cooking a meal with out juggling several things, including that beautiful human baby, all at once. It’s a balancing act, it’s love, it’s energy. It’s something I never understood before, but completely understand now. And you single mothers? Where is your crown?
A humbling, completely raw moment hit me last week as I went to get water during a lunch date with a friend. As I filled my glass, I listened to an old man ask a young woman who took care of her baby while she nannied. I turned around and saw a woman my age, holding a darling baby girl who was maybe 3 months old, and tell the man “my Mom.” I instantly felt selfish for feeling overwhelmed. It’s a blessing. He is mine. He is being raised by me, and I am blessed to be able to live a life where that it possible. While it’s fine to feel tired, it’s essential to remain grateful for the opportunity alone.
So today, when I watched him walk around the house, so delighted in his own power, I cried. This doesn’t mean too much, as I cried earlier in the day during naptime, as I watched an episode of Maury, and sobbed my way through a paternity test reveal. Yeah that happened. I’m on my period, and I am selfishly relishing in all of my crazy emotions, as well as chocolate. Heaps and heaps of chocolate. But my baby put one foot in front of another today. He smiled and waved at strangers. He fed himself breakfast, lunch and dinner, and best of all, he laughed.
Even with those moments of exhaustion, the anxiety of feeling like you’re failing in some way, and the humbling that can come from eavesdropping, come joy in developmental milestones. And of course, with that joy comes the fear of time, and how ridiculously quick it seems to flow. It always comes full circle, I suppose.
Absorb it all.
Absorb it all.
Xo
Ty
Beach Baby
Posted 3 months ago
10 notes
Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Posted 3 months ago
24 notes
[Flash 10 is required to watch video]
Win on Madonna. He has A LOT to say.
You know what we have done today?
Nothing.
Well, not really nothing, but that to-do list is still sitting on my table, waiting to be looked over, checked off (er, and now added to), is simply untouched.
I tried folding clothes, but it’s difficult when your curious baby finds neatly folded clothes interesting to dig through. After folding and refolding a few times, I gave up on the laundry portion of my afternoon, and after a mid-nap wake up, I realized nothing that I had planned for my day was going to go the way I had imagined.
Since Win isn’t feeling well, I took him to the couch to lay with me. Normally, he squirms, cries, or does a death dive off of me to get away, but today- Oh, today.
Instead of struggling to move away from me, he stayed on my chest for 30 minutes. 30 minutes of complete motherhood bliss, which may not sound like much to you, but to me, is everything. Every now and then, he would crane his neck back to look at me, giving me a sweet smile, and then turn back away. He was rhythmically moving his feet against my legs, while keeping one arm wrapped tightly around mine. With every tiny move I made, he would respond by grasping that arm even tighter. He was clinging to me, not understanding that I wouldn’t dare break up a snuggle session so soon.
After 30 minutes passed, he was once again ready to go, so we played more fold/unfold, and then he ate while I boredom baked. After I finished my cookie batter, I realized Win was covered in avocado. We played in the bath, and now, he is finally asleep in his crib.
Now I can do everything I need to. Now I can attack that to-do list, and maybe find time for a little mid-day yoga. I caught myself saying “Ian is going to kill me when he gets home,” but I’m starting to realize that days like today are the memories of tomorrow. Will I remember that day I made sure everything was perfectly clean? Will I remember how I cleaned the sink meticulously after doing all the dishes? Will I remember the shiny floors?
Or will I remember the baby who just wanted to hang out on his Mom? The one who wanted to paint himself in avocado? The little boy who wanted to splash in the bath?
I think my day was just right.
XO
Posted 4 months ago
10 notes
In one of the early episodes of Up All Night, Will Arnett says something to Christina Applegate about how the last time she updated her Facebook status, she was on her way to the hospital to give birth. This is a ha-ha moment, because their baby is, like, older.
Anyways. This is my delayed Facebook status. We are home, we are well. Well, besides little monkey chunk man who happens to have a cough and what sounds like a sore throat. But, we are home. That is all that matters.
So much to talk about- Christmas, New Years, TRAVELING, …cleansing (please excuse my broken out face, as toxins are fleeing from my body in every way, shape, form)! Now, all I need to do is write….
Later.
;)
Posted 4 months ago
6 notes
I’m still alive!
The trip is going wonderfully, but unfortunately, since Win’s routine has been so messed up, he hasn’t been sleeping. After fighting it for a couple weeks, I changed my flight from the 18th to the 11th. Looking forward to writing a nice, long Christmas/New Year/Travel post once home.
In the meantime, I’ll continue to be quiet on the blog front, soaking up everything Nashville has to offer me: family, friends and good food.
What a bittersweet thing it is to leave one home for another.
Xo!
Posted 4 months ago
7 notes
So, my last airplane post, I said Win had taken four previous flights. Incorrect. That was his fifth.
And today was his SIXTH! Which we celebrated by sleeping the entire flight.
Loving this traveling thing.
Hello, Nashville!
Xo
Posted 5 months ago
9 notes
