Poop Routines and Nose Bleeds
If you told me two years ago that I would one day be writing a blog about how my son’s poop routine is totally wonky, I would have laughed, been confused, poured another glass of wine, and changed my Pandora station from Bloc Party to Arcade Fire, while exiting out of an open Urban Outfitters tab.
Bottom line: life changes very quickly and is incredibly surprising.
So last night, as I laid Win down into the pack-n-play, I went through a mental check list in my head:
Bottle (check)
Clean diaper (check)
Butt creme (check)
Blanket (check- important, as I forgot to cover him the night prior, which made for a very cold, cranky 5 am wake up, prompting me to feel like worst parent of the year, and pulling him into my own bed- but that is another story.)
I was ready for a full nights sleep, and fell asleep after reading through a few blogs. When Win woke up crying at 4-something, I sleepily pulled myself out of bed, and went to his make shift crib to comfort. Imagine my surprise when I was greeted with the wretched smell of dirty diaper. Mmmlovely. Then, imagine picking up that cute, tired, smelly baby, only to realize, they have peed through their diaper, soaking their pajamas. Wonderful! I’d be crying too, kid.
Any parent can tell you that once your baby starts sleeping through the night, middle of the night wake ups lose the cool newborn period sleep immunity, and will have you in full-on Zombie mode. You make a bottle with half open eyes, trying your best to just get through it with out waking completely up, otherwise, you face being wide awake for hours yourself. There is also the other danger of taking too long, causing the baby to become wide awake. You move quickly and quietly, praying your pillow won’t be far from your head for too long. As you can imagine, night poops/bedwetting are the worst.
I woke Ian up for team duty. He would make the bottle and retrieve the wipes from downstairs, while I would disrobe the child, and calm him down.
I found a blanket to lay him on top of as I took off the pee soaked pants, noticing his eyes becoming more alert. Danger sign number one that he is starting to wake. I somehow managed to sift through our luggage in the darkness to find his last pair of pajama pants. Score: Win-3, Mom-1.
When Ian returned, he turned on a distant light to aid in the diaper clean up. As I began to change him, I realized I needed more light, which would become danger number 2 for Win waking up. Turning on any light during a wake up is like holding up a big green “GO” sign for babies. While changing the diaper from Doody Hell, I apparently managed to get poop all up my long sleeved shirt. With Ian standing there, I managed to take off my shirt, change a diaper, and find a replacement top all at the same time.
How is that for multitasking?!
Once all was said and done, I realized we were both now residing in Dangerland. I was awake, he was awake, and we were both totally cool with staring into each others eyes. Breaking our “NO COSLEEPING” rule for the third time this trip, I pulled him into bed with me, and held him tight. We stayed awake for thirty minutes before he got restless.
In this restlessness, he somehow managed to hook his pinky finger in my nose, and rip out a chunk of flesh with nails I have been meaning to cut for weeks now (of course, the jokes on me). I couldn’t tell if it was bleeding initially, but moments later I felt a sting, and came back from investigating with blood soaked fingers. Obviously. In the crib he momentarily went, as I stuffed Kleenex up my left nostril.
To think, this entire set of chain reactions could have been spared, had he of not pooped off schedule is another silly part of parenthood that leaves me laughing and shaking my head. Sadly, shit happens, and I’m not so sure how much I can do to change this (pun totally intended).
I guess I could say parenting is bittersweet, but it’s more than that. Even a dirty diaper, a pee soaked set of PJs, poop on my arms, a bleeding nose, and a baby ready to play can’t stop me from smiling at 4:30 am, looking into moonlit blue eyes, and whispering “I love you.”
Win: 432 Mom: -5 (and I wouldn’t have it any other way).
Xo
